Saudade Letter

I would like to have a conversations with you, moon

Staring and thinking how you’ll listen

Life sucks, but neither with dead right?

I wish you’re happy in the place where you belong.

Moon, please don’t be sad with what I’m about to tell you

But.. in this state, I don’t have motivation or dreams as I used to be, you won’t see me fighting for my idealism and reaching my goals,

I’m broken, undirected, and numb

I was thinking what if I give up, if I leave..

I know it won’t fix anything, I keep running away from my responsibilities and life I guess

See, how shallow I am...

Pathetic girl with no big dreams

She wish to survive another night…another day…

Hence the reason why I stay up all night, I cried myself to sleep, and hurt myself in the process

If you were me, what are you gonna do? If you meet me, what are you gonna say? Are you disappointed?

As I know you leave with pain, you wouldn’t want the same thing happen to me

I’ll be ashamed if I meet you there with bleeding wrist and unhappy face

You are worried as everyone else who cares for me

… stay and holding on, honey it’s just a phase…

Although, I hate those sentences, but I should admit how sincerety affects me

At the end of this letter, peace is what I aim

I let out to you, Mooney

I will try my best, I won’t give up yet

I’ll meet you later when I completely love myself and say , “I did it,”